So here it is. My first blog post. Well, no. I already had tried in some distant past to establish for myself some kind of writing routine, but could not find the time nor genuine motivation for it.
I’m in my early thirties, just got hit by this sense of urgency most people apparently get at this age. We suddenly feel old, we fear it’s getting late for drastic change in all of life’s areas, yet desperately wanting these changes to occur… Some get the baby clock pounding in their brains; others feel they need to brake all the constraints they’ve established for themselves while pursuing a career that fails to relate to some new version of themselves. Some imagine they’ll end up dying alone if they don’t soon find their match; others brake up with long time mates.
Most just worry too much.
And there’s the select club of those worried… about worrying too much.
In the astrological conception of things, it’s called the Saturn return. One Saturn revolution around the Sun takes about 29 years. Traditionally, Saturn is thematically linked with time, structure, suffering, limits, heaviness. But also light, lucidity, wisdom.
So people in their late twenties or early thirties are said from that conceptual perspective to be having a hard time (no pun intended) dealing (1) with their past mistakes, or lack of effort, concerning the structure of their lives (having sometimes to destroy everything to start anew) and (2) with all the psychological distress associated with the acknowledgment of what is perceived as failure… Not only does it seem like everything went wrong, but it also feels like things will never get any better either. But suffering and learning rarely present themselves separately when it comes to existential matters. Well, not with Saturn themed stuff anyway. But this overwhelming sense of wrongness can only occur because one is finally in a position to detect what has been going wrong for some time : there has been a change of perspective. So some new level of maturity can give way to a new level of time awareness perceived through experienced life (by contrast with here and now awareness), and to a new level of passed experiences understanding through a different awareness of time.
And they say that, after a while, you actually get to feel young again…
I bet that’s when wisdom sinks in.
So here I am, at the end of my first Saturn return, finally finding in me what was needed to start something new, like a blog, amongst other things. Having removed much of what was in the way; having been blessed with a new drive. With new hope, I should say.